Unable To Calm Down

Sunday 25th of May 2025 and for a lack of a better way of putting it I simply I'm unable to calm down. It's something that you know I'm trying to understand a little bit more about myself as time goes on but for some reason like generally speaking I've always had this edge

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about me being on edge anyway. Worrying about something happening maybe having premonitions a feeling that something bad is about to happen it's massively linked to finances really but you know really and truthfully like it's always

something that you know I struggle to. I struggle to calm down. And I feel like, I don't know exactly what it is that kind of like leads me to be this way or to think in this way, but for the most part, I know that I want to live a very lazy life. I don't really want to do much or have many responsibilities, so to speak. I never

really wanted it to be fair. I never really wanted to have an obligation or a duty over anyone or anything. However, I've always been paranoid of the process of like, you know, I always felt that like, you know, if I lazed around and if I didn't do anything at all, then eventually that burden will be rested upon my shoulders anyway. And I wouldn't have the courage, the discipline,

the fear or the strength, so to speak, to like really deal with it. So I run towards it head on. I always, you know, kind of like, I'm, you know, I'm always kind of like, you know, kind of like, I'm always kind of like, you know, not necessarily five steps ahead, but if I'm not five steps ahead,

then it feels like I'm not two steps ahead. If I'm not 10 steps ahead, it doesn't feel like I'm five steps ahead, so to speak. And the more steps ahead I am of everything, then the better I begin to feel, because I know that this life can be treacherous.

This life that we live can be nasty sometimes and things come and they're unexpected. And, you know, sometimes help is unavailable because people need to do what they need to do to help themselves. And otherwise, help is unavailable

because people are too busy trying to make life difficult for you so they can make it easy for themselves.