Through The Uncertain Door

Friday the 2nd of October 2026. I'm beginning to wonder if peace is something that dwells beyond the door of uncertainty. 

2:51

And perhaps how I hold myself back from traversing through that door, because in the moment that I am, in the moment that I am situated in, in the situation that I am situated in, no matter how uncomfortable, I am certain of the situation. 

Maybe not exactly comfortable, not exactly safe to be exact, but certain of the situation. Because of that certainty, and because despite this, it's discomfort, I am unwilling to travel through the door of uncertainty. What lies beyond it? 

Because. You know, even if, even if beyond that door lies a, you know, a better outcome, a situation, a safety, a situation of prosperity, a situation of abundance. 

And I'll sit here and choose to remain here because I am unwilling or I am frightful of traversing through that door. 

And I suppose I can apply this to who I am and the way that I am. I am certain of who I am. I am aware of who I am, despite my, you know, despite my imperfections. 

But one thing that I've begun to, uh, you know, understand, especially like, you know, following on from, um, you know, last week's reflection on, uh, you know, uh, I suppose I believe it had something to do with like, um, uh, it was uh, it was fear. 

You know, fear and how it holds us back, how it holds me back anyway. Carrying on from that. 

I am afraid of the person that I'm yet to become because I haven't met him before and I don't know what that will be like.

I am unsure of the things that I have to let go of now to become that person. But one thing that is becoming more and more apparent to me is that I can no longer be the person that I am now. 

Now when I talk about the person that I am, I'm referring to the things that I do, the thoughts that I think, the actions that I take and don't take. This is no longer an affordable. is no longer an affordable exchange. I cannot afford to exchange and negotiate with life and its meandering demands as the version of me that I am. 

I need to, you know, shed my skin. I need to let go of this dying self and become a new self. A far more willing self, a far more accepting self, a determined self. 

In order for me to, you know, you know, to get to that destination, to that place of peace and safety. I must go through it. And that involves abandoning any habit. 

That basically doesn't propel me towards that direction.