Thinking Out Loud

Sunday the 24th of August 2025 pretty much like since the age of I want to say like five onwards I've been habituated to not only talking to myself but I guess thinking out loud so to speak and it's something that is extremely habitual like I do this pretty much all the time

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almost to the point that when I actually kind of like silence my you know thinking out loud voice it almost completely 

obliterates my my thinking voice so it's like I'm not even thinking at all and then I find myself like I find this massive contrast between kind of like you know having my head filled with thoughts and then just basically being in the present moment and I'm sure that you know people who basically don't think aloud or people who just basically barely pay attention to their thoughts like you know this is something that they experience on a daily basis but for me it's kind of like a completely newfound and experience and it's like I'm almost in a completely different world where like you know I am just existing and I'm not particularly kind of like paying attention or holding on to any 

thought I don't know why is that I'm you know picking or choosing to reflect on this specific aspect of my life but I've always wondered I've always wondered about how kind of like different it's made me because people have clocked me in the past like you know me talking to myself and you know you know kind of I've been not necessarily being called weird for it but it's like you know people effectively wondering why I do it because it's essentially like not normal I mean I don't 

particularly pay attention to other people to notice people talking to themselves but it's like this is something that I've been doing for a very very long time and to the point where like I'm actually like not really able to stop it like you know I try to effectively stop it but it's something that I find really hard to do it comes with its gifts you know I'm able to kind of like rationalize with my own emotions I'm able to rationalize on my own thoughts but other times it just feels a little bit strange bewildering so to speak like if I'm having a really bad day I'm unable to kind of like get out of like my negative thought cycle because it's almost like I'm creating an echo chamber of some sorts