The Flow Of Negativity

Monday, the 5th of October 2026. And often at times I have to be willing to push through the flow of my negative thoughts or my negative mind. 

2:33

So what I'm learning and what I'm noticing, as time is going on, is that as real as my mind can feel and as real as my thoughts can feel, right? 

Uh, they seldom have a um, parallel relationship with my reality. So what it is that I'm trying to say is that, um, as fuzzy and as messy, as noisy, and as dark and as gloomy as things may feel within my own mind. Um, essentially, like, you know, I have to be willing to push through that in order to make sure that I accomplish what I'm trying to accomplish, you know, in a real setting. 

Um, and funny enough, what it is that I am doing and what is actually happening in a real setting has no bearing or relevance to one feeling at the time. I may be in the process where I might be accomplishing something and I'm, you know, making headway. I am genuinely like in the process of completing a certain task. 

Uh, or a goal. You know, I might even have a good time or be having a good relationship, a good conversation with somebody, but in my mind, I am thinking the worst thoughts, like literally in my mind, I'm thinking it's going horribly wrong in my mind. I am, you know, feeling that my efforts are futile and that everything that I'm doing is just, you know, absolutely pointless. 

But I have to be able to drive through that, um, not just, you know, not only to be able to succeed, but also to be able to exist. And um, you know, I suppose it goes back to like one of my uh, slogans, you know, sometimes my mind is not a beautiful place to be. Um, but then what it also attaches, you know, what is, you know, the meaning that is also attached to this is, um, you know, one of the lines from my song, uh, people pleaser. 

You know, uh, which goes something along the lines of, um, you know, deep within, I'm gray. Although the skies are blue. So, like, you know, sometimes I might be out and, you know, the sky is beautiful and the sky is amazing, even though deep down within, I'm feeling, you know, depressed or I'm feeling gray, gloomy, blotchy, if that makes any sense. 

So I have to be able to push past that to see the day through. Um, because, like, I can't allow anything to effectively get in the way of what I'm trying to accomplish.