Anything Other Than Me

Saturday the 7th of February 2026 and I'm always apprehensive forward slash scared forward slash fearful of not showing up as the person that I believe myself to be. And really and truthfully, I never really show up as the person that I believe myself to be. I only show up

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as the closest match to that. And, uh, you know, really and truthfully like whether I'm okay with it, really and truthfully depends on me. It just a decision, a single decision to be like, this is who I am and this is okay. 

And, uh, you know, with the hope that maybe one day, I may get to that version of me that I have built up in my head, because at the end of the day, the version that I've got built up in my head, um, is always going to be limited by the version that I can possibly be in reality, like, you know, reality has limitations, and imagination has no limitations. 

Um, like, yeah, like, you know, one day I may get to that version of me one day, I might not, but what's important to me right now is that I find joy and kind of like happiness in the version of me that I can that I can become and the version of me that can show up in certain situations.

But the reason why I'm fearful definitely in music, um, context, um, is because I definitely want to be the version of me that I have kind of like painted out in my head. 

And it's a bit weird because, um, there's a little bit of, um, uh, not self-sabotage, but there's a little bit of harm there, a little bit of uh, there's a bit of a toxicity there because it's like, you know, I guess the fear of um, not showing up as a person that I profess myself to be is what kind of like, um, leaves, um, is, is, is what creates creates room for embarrassment, so to speak. 

So I guess I kind of like, you know, experience fear for that reason. But if there's anything that is even more fearsome, then, you know, kind of like me not showing up as the version that I've made up in my own mind, is showing up as the version that people, you know, showing up as the version of me. that other people have made up in their own mind, which is sometimes, which is sometimes a far even greater version.