A Nerve Wreck

So Wednesday the 26th of February 2025 and yeah I'm not gonna lie for like the past couple of days I've been a nerve wreck if I'm being honest like to be honest with you there's something that has absolutely scared me if I'm you know I kind of like about you know this

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year in particular last year in particular and then the same thing will go for like you know 2023, 22, 21 and also 2020 and the reality of the fact is that like you know the thing that scared me the most

is effectively the price of staying the same in comparison to the price of kind of like having to change. I'm not gonna lie right now I'm doing some not I wouldn't say reckless things I'm doing some things that are definitely putting me in a place of discomfort but right now I'm not going to lie, I'm looking behind me and I'm looking at the thing, I'm looking at the position that makes me comfortable and I'm juxtapositioning the results that being uncomfortable

is giving me and the results that being comfortable is giving me and I am so scared to be comfortable right now. I'm kind of grateful for this state of mind, not because it's a state of mind that's great to be in, really and truthfully calmness is what I should seek, peace of mind is what I should seek and peace of mind is what I should use to effectively kind of like bring me, you know, the well-grounded actions to effectively move forward at a steady and a consistent and a reliable and predictable

pace. But being in this nerve wreck is teaching me about kind of like what is useful and what is not useful about being in this state of mind as well. So like you know I've kind of like you know what it is that's kind of like a symptom of this nerve wreck is realizing that maybe perhaps I'm not where I actually want to be and I'm not doing what I actually like need to do in order to kind of like get the results that I want and so I'm racking my brain until I find that position where I'm like okay I can now

slot into this rhythm and kind of like continue with what I'm doing without having to worry about whether I'm doing the right thing or not.