Need Me Not
Friday 23rd of October 2026. I suppose one of my um, biggest fears, um, one of my biggest subconscious fears, was um, the fear of not being needed.
Or if I'm going to be a little bit more specific, the fear of effectively having, you know, not mattering, as in, like, you know, whether I live or whether I die, um, the world will continue to go on.
Now when I refer to the world, I'm specifically referring to the people around me and the connections that I build. Somehow, some way I've developed this very strange, I suppose, relationship with people around me. And for some reason, my psychology seems seems to like DIDR of somebody else's existence, be independent on my own.
And I find that quite interesting, especially being a man, because I've grown up with this idea that, you know, people's existence effectively, like, you know, I, you know, people's existence is essentially dependent on me.
Um, like, you know, there are, you know, you know, I'm going to grow up to be a person who is going to have something of some value that people are going to need, and it's up to me to maintain that value so that people can continue to benefit from that need. Because if I don't exist and those people are going to starve or they're not going to be able to survive as such.
And yet what reality has proven to me time and time again is that, you know, irrespective of whether I live or whether I die, people are going to find a way.
And what's even more ironic, as I continue to record this reflection, is the fact that, you know, as I begin to live with the sheer volume of people that now depend on me, something that I begin to crave or something that I begin to look for is liberation from that dependency. Because it can be quite exhausting, especially being like a, you know, a single human being.
But yeah, I just thought that was, um, a little bit of an interesting exercise, a little bit of a food for thought, just to share, like, uh, some of my fears, because they effectively begin to build a bigger picture for why I do the things that I do or why I was doing the things that I was doing for quite some time. And maybe it might give you a little bit of perspective, if you feel the same.
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