Not A Pleasant Place To Be

Thursday the 3rd of April 2025 and you know what sometimes my mind is not a pleasant place to be. I really want to be able to articulate kind of like the self-discovery that I'm going through at the moment because I feel like it's pretty poignant and it's gonna be pretty useful

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to anybody who stumbles upon it or to anybody who stumbles upon this recording and manages to kind of like give it a listen but you know what like some of the things that I've been experiencing as of late like has kind of like really led me to the conclusion and the realization that I am a sensitive soul. This very often at times, kind of like is one of my strengths, but just as often at times, it can be one of my weaknesses. My kind of like,

you know, my, I guess, proclivity to react to things, you know, without, you know, firstly, kind of like going through a logical process to reason and understand what is actually going on, sometimes creates this, I guess, infinity loop in my mind where I've picked up on a thought, a negative thought,

and I've expanded that and maximized that into this scenario, into this kind of like virtual reality that quite frankly doesn't exist. To speak it more, you know, to speak more plainly and to put it into words like, you know, I tear myself apart for doing things or for kind of like causing, maybe like I wouldn't say harm, but you know, for effect, you know, I torture myself for doing things, you know,

I torture myself for things that I've done that I kind of like, you know, assume in my own mind is terribly wrong. And, you know, I then dwell upon it and I dwell upon it and it absolutely drains.

It drains my energy and it drains my, you know, my my mental resolve in that regard.

Like really and truthfully, like it's made me come to the realization and I've already known for quite some time that I need to seek a therapist. And I've already made plans and put plans aside to kind of like optimize my life to the point where I can regularly see a therapist. But the more and more I continue to reflect upon it, the more I realize that even to the extent within which I appreciate that I need a therapist, there is actually more that I don't know about myself

and more that I don't understand about myself that kind of like, you know, speed, you know, it quickens the urgency within which I need to see a therapist because, you know, I tear myself apart on a daily basis. I, you know, you know, I convince myself that,

you know, I'm a person, you know, I'm a broken person, a person that, you know, kind of like is no good. kind of like is no good. And if I'm being honest, that just needs to change.